On Fear

Those of you who know me may find this hard to believe.

Those of you who know me well will not be surprised by this information.

...

I'm afraid of everything.

A list:

• Spiders (who am I kidding; if it crawls, it scares me. Yes, this includes babies)
• Bad drivers
• Men
• Guns
• Men with guns
• Old people
• Swordfish (IYKYK)
• Alzheimers
• Fireworks
• Drugs
• Sprickets
• Frying foods
• Cats
• Strangers
• Popping champagne
• The government
• War
• RATS
• Embarrassment
• Failure
• Myself

That list is not exhaustive, by the way. But still, it's very true. I'm scared of a lot of things.

Which is why I'm very afraid to share this...

I'm going to write a book.

I really wrestled with whether I was going to share this publicly. The reason for that is fear.

Another list:

• I'm scared that I'm not going to see it through.
• I'm scared I'm going to fail.
• I'm scared I'm going to let everyone who believes in me down.
• I'm scared I'm going to prove everyone who didn't believe in me right.
• I'm scared I'm going to give up.
• I'm scared that it'll be terrible.
• I'm scared everyone is going to judge me.
• I'm scared I'm going to give too much of myself away.

I'm scared shitless to press publish on this post. Telling everyone I'm writing a book means that I'm going to be held accountable. People are going to ask how the book's coming along, what it's about, how I'm planning on publishing, etc. I'm scared of the accountability that comes along with sharing this information, because if I don't end up seeing it through, everyone will know I failed.

It's really fucking scary.

But I'm going to do it anyway.

I was terrified when I started Dorlisa Frank Editorial. I was so scared that I was going to put in a bunch of time and effort for a few weeks, then I wasn't going to get any clients, and I'd eventually give up.

But that isn't what happened.

I didn't let it happen.

I've done it before with plenty of things in the past. Start it, do okay for a little while, give it up.

But I didn't do that this time. I gave everything to this business. I didn't give up when I didn't immediately start seeing clients. I put in more work. I stayed consistent.

And it paid off.

Honestly, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I'm really out here doing the damn thing. And I'm proud of myself.

Because I was scared, and I did it anyway.

And I'm scared now. But I'm going to do it anyway.

I'm going to write a book.

Now somebody please leave me words of encouragement. I need them.